Page 23 - Leisure Living Magazine Autumn 2019

From A Real Voice To Voicemail
By Janie Emaus, Huror Writer
Remember when you could pick up the phone, dial 411 and get a real live person, someone like Ernestine from Laugh-In? Those were pre-cell phone days. Pre-caller ID. Pre-answering ma- chines. Pre-Internet. Prehistoric, if you ask today’s younger generation.
leak warrants a real live person. Apparently not. “There are five callers in front of you. Press one if you’d like to continue holding. Press two if you are getting annoyed. Please press three if you have to use the bathroom and are hanging up.”
Sometimes, I
would call the op-
erator to find out
the time or even the
weather in another
state. And then there
was that all import-
ant emergency call.
When the line was
busy for hours at
your best friend’s
house and you just
had to tell her about
a new song you
heard on the radio,
you could have the operator cut in
with an emergency. I know they
can still do that, but with call wait-
ing and text messaging, there probably isn’t much need for that service. And most people don’t have landlines anymore or even know they exist.
But what does still exist, is that need for human contact. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been stuck in a voicemail loop from hell.
With my cup of coffee, pen in hand ready to take down the needed information, I call, let’s say, the Gas Company. After a few rings, the computer voice begins: “Please press one for English, two for Spanish.” I press one. The voice then says, “Hola Por favor, escuche con atención.” Already, I sense that I’m in trouble.
I start over. I Press one. “Hello, please listen carefully as our menu has changed. Press three if you are calling about your account balance. Press four if you are calling to add new services. Six if you’d like to speak to the sales department. Eight if you are having a gas leak.”
I press three only to end up back at the begin- ning of the recording. “Please listen carefully as our menu has changed.”
This time around, I press eight. Obviously, a
I bang on the “O” until my fingers beg for relief. Until my brain is screaming for a “real” person. Please listen care- fully as our menu has changed! By the time I get a real person, my coffee is cold and I’ve forgot- ten what I am call- ing about.
Sometimes there just isn’t ever a real voice. Only those
computer ones that repeat back to you what you’ve just said. Sort of. I say- “Housewares.” The
voice says “Okay...Mickey Mouse Ears? Is that correct?”
“NO! House...wares.”
“I’m sorry. I didn’t get that.”
And I don’t get you! With frustration bubbling
inside me like a pot of water, I end the call.
And while I’m at it, I have another pet peeve. Voice messages that sound as if the person is real- ly answering the phone. “Hi...how’re you doing. We....” I start talking – “Hi. I’m good. How are you? I can’t wait to see you tonight.” And then I
hear the rest of the message.
“We can’t come to phone right now.”
Don’t I feel like an idiot having just had a heart-
felt conversation with an inanimate object!
I don’t doubt that someday our phones will be programmed to carry on conversations. We can be at a bar in Mexico drinking margaritas while some voice activated computer back at home
conducts our business for us.
I just hope that mine understands how frus-
trating voicemail can be.
Press ONE if you agree with my sentiments.
Remember when you could dail 411 and get a real live person?
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